Diego Pavia Says He Has No Idea Why Ravens Cut Him, Chugs Vodka From Water Bottle

BALTIMORE—Diego Pavia is a living, breathing Cinderella story. An unheralded recruit out of rough and tumble Las Cruces, his intense underdog warrior mentality transformed perennial doormat Vanderbilt into a top 10 program, while turning himself into a Heisman runner-up. 

So why did he get cut by the Ravens? When asked the question Thursday, Pavia shrugged and said, “I have no idea”, while swigging Grey Goose from his water bottle. 

Sources within the Ravens organization said Pavia’s training camp performance was stellar. “That dude is tough, fearless, competitive. An accurate passer and natural playmaker when things break down,” Ravens head coach Jesse Minter shared. “But at the end of the day, he just wasn’t a fit.”

This seeming contradiction left Pavia scratching his head, but has only fueled his ‘me against the world’ mentality.

“I’ve been unfairly judged my whole career,” Pavia said, now topless, his face flushed as he scoured his refrigerator for more booze. “But I’m not going to change. I’m going to keep grinding and prove the haters wrong.” Unable to find anymore alcohol in the house, Pavia began shot-gunning a bottle of Windex.

“My mother raised a good man, an honorable man, and I know God has a plan for me,” Pavia said, sweating profusely, before posting a series of messages on Instagram: “FUCK THE RAVENS”, “FUCK RAY LEWIS” and “FUCK THAT JOLLY BITCH SANTA CLAUS AND ALL HIS PUNK ASS ELVES.” 

Pavia ended the interview by biting the head off a live pigeon.