ANNAHEIM—The gentle boat ride takes guests on a whimsical cruise to celebrate global unity and peace, but it made Kyler Murray pissed the hell off when he was denied entry for not meeting the height requirement of 3 feet and 4 inches. “I don’t care that he’s the starting quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings,” Disney…
SEATTLE–Drake Maye’s dismal outing against the Seahawks left fans scratching their heads… until the Scooby Doo gang showed up on the scene and solved the mystery. They busted into the locker room, pulled off Maye’s mask to reveal none other than shit-bucket quarterback J.J. McCarthy. “Watching last year’s MVP runner-up throw 3 interceptions in the…
AUSTRALIA—Five-time Pro Bowl defensive end Nick Bosa has been ruled out of Thursday’s game against the Rams with an undisclosed injury. Sources within the 49ers organization confirm Bosa will miss time dealing with a stomach issue after devouring a 32 Box of Crayons, including the packaging. “49er brass is used to this from the former…
Here’s a handy guide to help you choose your vice wisely.
Did you do multiple mock drafts but still have a sinking feeling you screwed the pooch on draft day? Here are 10 signs you should have let auto-draft handle it. 10. Your QB1 is Nine. 9. You woke up with a missing tooth, Mike Tyson’s tiger in your bedroom and an annoyingly loud Chinese dude…
BOISE, IDAHO– Bill Stribley caused quite a stir Saturday during his fantasy football draft when he attempted to select retired Viking running back Adrian Peterson. His fellow managers were initially puzzled by his behavior. “He had the first pick, so we’re pretty confident he’d put some thought into it. But for some reason, he kept…
With the 2026 NFL season on the horizon, Pigskin Fantasy surveyed league executives, coaches and scouts to help us rank the top 10 pretend players. 10. AL BUNDY (RB, Polk High School / Married with Children) – Often considered the overall RB1 due to his scoring four tuddies in the 1966 city championship against bitter rival…
FOXBOROUGH–Some prefer blondes. The Patriot’s head man seems to prefer NFL Insiders. After an alleged fling with Diana Russini in April, Vrabel was caught by cameras at the same resort in Sedona, Arizona holding hands with legendary scoop-getter Adam Schefter. The situation prompted significant concerns regarding media ethics, professional conflicts of interest, and most notably,…
BUFFALO—MVP quarterback Josh Allen is no stranger to heartbreak. And yet there he was at his kitchen table Tuesday night, quiet, humbled, and devastated after losing his family’s annual Uno game that he simply should have won. “He was dominating the entire game like Super Man,” his little sister Makenna laughed. “Until the end when…
DALLAS—Stunning NFL fans and Civil Rights activists alike, longtime Cowboys owner Jerry Jones made an offer Tuesday to purchase Vikings QB Kyler Murray. “I don’t want his rights as a player, mind you. I want to take him home with me,” said the octogenarian in his distinctive Arkansas drawl. According to sources inside Jones’ family,…
