LATEST HOGWASH
-
Kyler Murray Denied Entry to “It’s a Small World” After Failing Height Requirement
ANNAHEIM—The gentle boat ride takes guests on a whimsical cruise to celebrate global unity and peace, but it made Kyler Murray pissed the hell off when he was…
-
Scooby-Doo Gang Unmasks Drake Maye, Reveals He Was J.J. McCarthy All Along
SEATTLE–Drake Maye’s dismal outing against the Seahawks left fans scratching their heads… until the Scooby Doo gang showed up on the scene and solved the mystery. They busted…
-
Nick Bosa Out Against Rams After Eating Box Of Crayons
AUSTRALIA—Five-time Pro Bowl defensive end Nick Bosa has been ruled out of Thursday’s game against the Rams with an undisclosed injury. Sources within the 49ers organization confirm Bosa…
-
Start ’Em, Sit ’Em: Which Addictions Deserve a Spot in Your Lineup?
Here’s a handy guide to help you choose your vice wisely.
-
10 Warning Signs You Completely Blew Your Fantasy Draft
Did you do multiple mock drafts but still have a sinking feeling you screwed the pooch on draft day? Here are 10 signs you should have let auto-draft…
-
Fantasy Draft Grinds to Halt as Older Man Attempts to Select Adrian Peterson
BOISE, IDAHO– Bill Stribley caused quite a stir Saturday during his fantasy football draft when he attempted to select retired Viking running back Adrian Peterson. His fellow managers…
-
The Definitive Ranking of the 10 Greatest Fictional Football Players of All Time
With the 2026 NFL season on the horizon, Pigskin Fantasy surveyed league executives, coaches and scouts to help us rank the top 10 pretend players. 10. AL BUNDY…
-
Mike Vrabel Continues Working His Way Through NFL Insiders, Now Dating Adam Schefter
FOXBOROUGH–Some prefer blondes. The Patriot’s head man seems to prefer NFL Insiders. After an alleged fling with Diana Russini in April, Vrabel was caught by cameras at the…
-
Josh Allen One Card Away From UNO Victory Before Historic Collapse
BUFFALO—MVP quarterback Josh Allen is no stranger to heartbreak. And yet there he was at his kitchen table Tuesday night, quiet, humbled, and devastated after losing his family’s…
-
Jerry Jones Offers To Purchase Kyler Murray, Reminded That’s Illegal Now
DALLAS—Stunning NFL fans and Civil Rights activists alike, longtime Cowboys owner Jerry Jones made an offer Tuesday to purchase Vikings QB Kyler Murray. “I don’t want his rights…
-
Now That Racism Is Over, 10 New Slogans for NFL End Zones
Fans seeing ‘END RACISM’ in NFL end zones last year completely eradicated prejudice across the globe, so Roger Goodell has come up with 10 new slogans for this…
-
DEAR RAIDER FAN
In this weekly column, readers write letters asking for help with personal problems, and get practical life advice straight from the Black Hole. DEAR RAIDER FAN: My husband…
-
Bill Belichick’s New Girlfriend So Young She Hasn’t Been Born Yet
CHARLOTTE, NC—Eight-time Super Bowl champion head coach Bill Belichick found himself in hot water Wednesday after paparazzi photos surfaced showing him on a date with a new mystery…
-
Shedeur Sanders Makes History, Becomes First-Ever FIFA Super Bowl Champion
CLEVELAND—Shedeur Sanders may have lost the starting job to Deshaun Watson, but he was awarded a new prize on Friday — the first-ever FIFA Super Bowl Trophy. FIFA…
-
10 Completely Insane Ways Fantasy Leagues Actually Determine Draft Order
Forget picking out of a hat. We polled fantasy managers across the nation and compiled the most ridiculous ways fantasy leagues actually determine draft order so you can…
-
Caleb Williams Gets BBL, Bears Scramble To Find Pants That Fit
CHICAGO—Being an NFL equipment manager is tough. Transporting gear, ensuring safety compliance, and managing game-day logistics. But life got a whole helluva lot harder for Bears equipment manager…
-
Jed York’s Attorney Insists Client Was Merely Trying To Fill Hole In 49ers Roster
SAN FRANCISCO–49ers owner Jed York was arrested on prostitution charges Sunday, but his attorney Emmanuel Bert claims it is all one big misunderstanding. “My client wasn’t soliciting sex…
-
EXCLUSIVE: Todd Monken’s Leaked Decision Tree For Choosing Between Deshaun Watson and Shedeur Sanders
Pigskin Fantasy’s inside source in the Browns organization smuggled out Todd Monken’s decision tree that led to him to name Deshaun Watson the starter. Check out this fascinating…
-
Harrison Butker Opens All-Girls Academy Dedicated To Teaching Girls How Not To Read
KANSAS CITY—Taking a cue from philanthropist Oprah Winfrey, Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker opened an all-girl’s boarding school on Monday. Called ‘The Butker Leadership Academy for Girls’, its mission…
-
HBO Cancels ‘Hard Knocks: In Season With the Browns’ After Nation’s Suicide Rate Skyrockets
CLEVELAND—HBO pulled the plug on this season of the long-running franchise Hard Knocks when viewers began killing themselves in record numbers after finding the Browns so depressing that…
-
Fernando Mendoza Throws Pick-6, Immediately Asks “Did I Do That?”
HOUSTON– Top draft pick Fernando Mendoza threw an interception Thursday night and asked rhetorically, in an annoyingly high-pitched voice, “Did I Do That?” He then snapped the red…
-
Trump Launches Operation Warp Speed 2.0 to Stop Spread of Pat McAfee
WASHINGTON DC—The Pat McAfee pandemic is here, and the White House is determined to stop it. Under pressure from lawmakers, activist groups, and Dr. Fauci, President Trump has…
-
Puka Nacua to Play Cannibal Receiver in ‘Silence of the Rams’
HOLLYWOOD—LA Rams star wide receiver Puka Nacua made a big move off the field Tuesday when he landed the starring role in a new movie from Amazon MGM…
-
Diego Pavia Says He Has No Idea Why Ravens Cut Him, Chugs Vodka From Water Bottle
BALTIMORE—Diego Pavia is a living, breathing Cinderella story. An unheralded recruit out of rough and tumble Las Cruces, his intense underdog warrior mentality transformed perennial doormat Vanderbilt into…
-
10 Brutal Fantasy Football Punishments for Last Place
We polled fantasy managers across the nation and compiled the top ten punishments you can try in order to inject some wacky fun into your home league! 10. Freaky…
-
Falcons’ James Pearce Jr. Suspended 8 Games After NFL Determines Domestic Abuse Wasn’t Violent Enough
ATLANTA—Falcons edge rusher James Pearce Jr. has been suspended by the NFL for eight games due to violating the league’s personal conduct policy for failing to inflict enough physical…
-
Jaxson Dart Hit So Hard He Donates To AOC
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J.—Jaxson Dart was hit so violently by Vikings safety Jay Ward on Saturday that he donated to democratic socialist Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. “Jaxson stumbled to the sidelines,…
-
CIA Under Fire For Subjecting Detainees To Pat McAfee’s New Album
WASHINGTON DC–Senate Democrats demanded a criminal investigation into government interrogators Tuesday after the Trump administration acknowledged for the first time that Pat McAfee’s new album, The Diary of a…
-
Christian McCaffrey Suffers Season-Ending Injury While Taking Nap
SAN FRANCISCO—ESPY’s Comeback Player of the Year Christian McCaffrey is already out for the season after tearing his ACL during a peaceful afternoon snooze. “As far as I…
