Mystery Solved: Stephen A. Smith Shouts So Much Because He Identifies As Deaf
NEW YORK—Sports media personality Stephen A. Smith said on ESPN’s First Take Thursday that he identifies as hearing impaired.
“MAKE ME SICK, PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME WHY I SHOUT SO MUCH, KING. IT’S BECAUSE I IDENTIFY AS A DEAF MAN!” Smith explained in a voice that registered at a staggering 157 decibels, or the equivalent sound of a tactical military fighter jet at takeoff.
When asked by his co-host Shae Cornette if he ever tried whispering for fuck’s sake, because his normal speaking voice was sending powerful pressure waves through her ear canals and causing physical, chemical, and potentially permanent damage to the delicate structures of her inner ears, Smith lowered his voice to the volume of an ambulance siren and continued, “LISTEN, EVEN THOUGH I PHYSICALLY HAVE PERFECT 20/20 HEARING, MY INTERNAL SENSE OF SELF DOES NOT MATCH THE HEARING ABILITY I WAS ASSIGNED AT BIRTH!”
Hearing impaired advocate Sergio Sanchez from the Hearing Loss Association of America approached Smith outside ESPN headquarters to remind him that deaf people don’t shout to communicate, but instead use hand gestures. Sanchez claims Smith gave him a hand gesture of his own, and then generated a high-decibel sonic blast from his mouth hole that shattered nearby car windows, rendered Sergio unconscious, and liquefied all animal life within a 3 mile radius.
At press time, Professor X from Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters had offered Smith a position on his team with the code name Banshee.
