Dan Quinn Explains Late-Game Blunder: “I Was Busy Wondering Why Beyoncé Never Divorced Jay-Z”
WASHINGTON–Commanders head coach Dan Quinn got a chance to share what he was thinking as the Commanders blew their chance at a game-winning field goal try by letting time run out with the ball on the New York 24-yard-line, and turns out it wasn’t football. It was Beyonce and Jay-Z.
Quinn said at his postgame press conference that he spent those crucial late-game moments daydreaming about Beyonce’ and her happiness.
“To be honest, I didn’t even know how much time was left or what the score even was,” Quinn admitted. “All my focus and attention was on trying to figure out how such a beautiful, talented, and wealthy woman who constantly sings about female empowerment would remain in a marriage with a known-philanderer.”
He allowed that he felt “gutted” for the players and that the tie “feels like a loss” because of how many opportunities the team failed to jump on over the afternoon. “But I’m also gutted for Beyonce, and her marriage itself feels like a loss, you know?” Quinn continued. “I loved her album Lemonade just as much as the next Bey-hive member, but come on. Stand on business and leave him already. Staying with him undercuts her entire message of girl power.”
Instead of spiking the ball with around 12 seconds on the clock, the Commanders instead ran a play that saw quarterback Jayden Daniels go down for no gain, in bounds. They didn’t immediately line back up to spike it, and the clock ran out.
When asked by press who was to blame for the disastrous ending to the game, Quinn said it is “my responsibility and no one else’s” to make sure that the Commanders don’t find themselves in that situation. “Just like it’s the Queen Bee’s responsibility to stand up for herself and leave that cheating man. You can’t put the blame on Jay-Z. He is what he is, a cheater…. sorry, what was the question?”
At press time, Quinn had excused himself from a Commander’s team meeting to reach out to Pablo Torre and ask him to find out what the hell is going on in Beyonce’s brain.
