Rams Release Kicker Harrison Mevis After Discovering His Pregame Meals Exceed Salary Cap
LOS ANGELES–The Rams released kicker Harrison Mevis, sources told NFL Network’s Ian Rapoport on Tuesday, but not because he missed a 50-yard field goal attempt in the first quarter and had a 48-yard kick blocked in overtime that would have been the game winner in Monday night’s 37-34 loss to the Buffalo Bills.
The real reason? The Rams front office believe he ate too much during pregame meals.
“I would never fat-shame anyone,” Sean McVay said after the game. “But according to our analytics department, it cost more to feed Mevis than we pay for Myles Garrett’s entire 5-year contract.”
Rams head of analytics, Jane Rosenberg, explained. “It’s simple math, really. Mevis consumes too many calories per field goal.”
“It’s fiscally unsustainable,” Rams billionaire owner Stan Kroenke said while reclining on a solid gold chaise lounge sleeper sofa, being fed mermaid caviar by Natalie Portman, while Paul McCartney strummed an acoustic guitar for ambiance nearby.
At press time, the Rams had signed Blake Grupe off the New York Jets practice squad because Blake skips breakfast.
