Report: Rodgers-McCarthy Relationship Fell Apart Over Whether Birds Are Real
PITTSBURGH–The Browns win over the Steelers on Thursday was overshadowed by Aaron Rodgers and Mike McCarthy exchanging F-bombs on live TV, but sources inside the Steelers organization say their tension has nothing to do with the gridiron. According to team insiders, their beef stems from Rodgers belief that birds aren’t real.
“Everyone in the locker room knows Aaron is bat-shit crazy,” the unnamed source said. “Always blabbing about how chem trails cause male-pattern baldness, the common cold is a Chinese hoax, and that Nicolas Cage is secretly an immortal vampire. We all usually just nod our heads and then laugh behind his back when he wanders off, wide-eyed, to eat another handful of magic mushrooms. But the bird thing was the straw that broke Mike McCarthy’s back.”
Sources say the Steelers head coach is an avid bird watcher who delights in the soothing sounds of a starling’s coo. During a team meeting to install the red zone package for their game against the Falcons, Rodgers launched into an angry diatribe about how all birds are actually cleverly disguised government drones used to spy on the public.
And that’s when McCarthy finally blew his top. “Mike’s face got all red like it does after he crushes 5 Peppi’s Ultra Cheese Steaks and has to push out a dookie the size, shape and consistency of a brick,” the Steelers insider claimed, explaining further that the team has a row of toilets without doors like in Attica, so it’s totally not weird he knows his head coach’s defecation habits.
And that’s when things turned violent. “Mike wrapped his meaty hands around Rodgers’ neck and squeezed the shit out of him. It took TJ Watt and the 6’7″ tight end (who nobody knows his name, they just constantly repeat that he’s 6’7″) to pull them apart.”
Since that incident, there’s been an undercurrent of tension between the two, and it boiled over during the Thursday night game.
At press time, Rodgers was on Google investigating if adverbs cause prostate cancer, and McCarthy was eating 5 Ultra Cheese Steaks from Peppi’s.
