Scooby-Doo Gang Unmasks Drake Maye, Reveals He Was J.J. McCarthy All Along
SEATTLE–Drake Maye’s dismal outing against the Seahawks left fans scratching their heads… until the Scooby Doo gang showed up on the scene and solved the mystery. They busted into the locker room, pulled off Maye’s mask to reveal none other than shit-bucket quarterback J.J. McCarthy.
“Watching last year’s MVP runner-up throw 3 interceptions in the 4th quarter made me say, ‘ ZOINKS something is fishy here”, famed sleuth and renowned weed-head Shaggy shared. “So we fired up the Mystery Machine, pounded five handfuls of Scooby Snacks and headed to the stadium.”
According to sources inside the Patriots locker room, the intrepid teenagers peppered Maye with questions to get to the bottom of it. “Only scoring 11 fantasy points when he was the number 3 QB drafted was my first clue something was amiss,” WNBA super fan and ex-softball player Velma stated, showing off her wide range of sports knowledge. “The next clue came in our interrogation when he slipped up and referred to himself as ‘Nine’.”
And that’s when Scooby Doo said, “Ruh-roh.”
His pal Shaggy had seen enough. “The stoner looking dude in the green shirt yanked on the top of Drake’s hair and his whole face came off!” reported Stephon Diggs in amazement. “The dude smelled like weed, but I thought I was the one who was high.”
Underneath the Drake Maye mask was J.J. McCarthy, who launched into a full confession. “After being named third string in Minnesota, I was content. It would give me time to grow into the role. And heck, I don’t like football much anyway because I’m not so hot at it. But the voice in my head, I call him ‘Nine’, wasn’t satisfied. He never is. He thinks he’s Joe Montana won’t shut up. He told me to go to Seattle, knock Maye out with a spiked Pina Colada and assume his identity. And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!” McCarthy shouted before Seattle PD dragged him away.
At press time, Shaggy and Scoob were seen hot boxing in the Mystery Machine with A.J. Brown, Mike Vrabel and NFL Insider Diana Russini.