Shedeur Sanders’ Future Uncertain After Deion Signs New Son In Transfer Portal
CLEVELAND–After a dismal beginning to the 2026 NFL season that saw Shedeur lose the Browns’ starting QB job to known genital flasher Deshaun Watson, the 5th round pick with the hall-of-fame attitude suffered another blow Monday morning when his father Deion signed a new son in the transfer portal.
“Had to be done,” Deion said while filming an AFLAC commercial. “The big picture, when your child isn’t producing, you go get a new child. That’s the picture, and I’m gonna paint it perfectly.”
Deion’s desire for change is not surprising given the recent struggles of Shedeur, who is currently 2nd on the Cleveland depth chart behind a man who has had more sexual assault allegations (27) than touchdowns (19) in his time with Cleveland before this season. And with Watson’s resurgence on the field, leading the Browns to a surprising 3-1 record, and capable backup Dillon Gabriel set to return to the QB room after a stint on IR, Shedeur’s stock has fallen even further.
These factors, coupled with Shedeur’s annoying habit of waving his watch in his siblings’ faces every time one of them lands on his property while playing Monopoly, pushed Prime over the edge. “I’m bringing new luggage, and it’s Louis,” Deion said while filming a Subway commercial. “By that, I mean my new son’s name is Louis.”
Now Shedeur finds himself 2nd on the depth chart at home. “He’s going to have to earn his spot back,” Deion said while simultaneously filming a KFC commercial, a California Almonds commercial, and a Depends commercial. “And if he keeps screwing up, I’ll cut him from the family. I raise champions, check my receipts. If he doesn’t step his game up, his sorry ass can go sign with the Tomlin Family and play Minecraft all day.”
At press time, Deion was seen at the lake fishing with his new son Louis while sharing fatherly advice, including this nugget: “Character is how you treat people who can do nothing for you”.
