10 Completely Insane Ways Fantasy Leagues Actually Determine Draft Order

Forget picking out of a hat. We polled fantasy managers across the nation and compiled the most ridiculous ways fantasy leagues actually determine draft order so you can inject some wacky fun into your home league!

10. Short Stick: Grab a tape measure and whip out your ding dongs. Whoever has the tiniest weiner picks first. Second, second. And so on.

9. Mean Tweets: When the timer starts, begin posting your true feelings on Twitter / X about everything from politics to religion to pronouns. First person fired from their job picks their draft position first, second picks second, etc. (Automatic first pick if you get elected president)

8. Distance Toss: Attend a WNBA game. Managers take turns hurling a pink dildo across the court. Longest throw selects first, and so on. (Auto-first pick if you fwap Caitlin Clark anywhere above the shoulders)

7. Start the Bidding: Sell your children on E-Bay, even the ones you like. Whoever gets the most money in total drafts first. (If a manager is Mormon, automatic 4 child handicap)

6. The Yorkie: Cruise your local trailer park for hookers. Whomever negotiates sex for the lowest price picks their draft position first. (Auto-first if you’re an NFL owner and get arrested)

5. Oh No You Didn’t: Gather all wives / significant others. Managers begin insulting their own woman: looks, intelligence, intimate details of their sex lives, etc. Draft order is determined by order in which significant others either leave the room or commit assault and battery.

4. Ye Olde #2: All managers stop wiping their ass after taking a dump. No showering. The first manager to fold and clean their booty hole picks last, and so on. (Auto-first if your wife divorces you)

3. Survival of Fittest: Attend a Raiders pre-season game together dressed in Chargers gear. The first manager to get shanked drafts last. Last man standing picks first. (Auto-first if you get curb stomped like in American History X)

2. Pat Attack: Attend Karaoke Night together and take turns singing songs from Pat McAfee’s new album, The Diary of a Polarizing Figure. The first manager to be asked to leave and/or gets arrested picks draft position last.

1. Wish I Knew How To Quit You: Managers sit on the sofa, attach electromechanical circumference gauges around their junk and watch Brokeback Mountain together. Whoever’s dingus flinches first picks last… and so on.