Fantasy Draft Grinds to Halt as Older Man Attempts to Select Adrian Peterson

BOISE, IDAHO– Bill Stribley caused quite a stir Saturday during his fantasy football draft when he attempted to select retired Viking running back Adrian Peterson.

His fellow managers were initially puzzled by his behavior. “He had the first pick, so we’re pretty confident he’d put some thought into it. But for some reason, he kept rummaging through the stickers searching for a player to put on the draft board,” fellow team manager Kevin Wilson reported.

When finally questioned, Bill responded: “Stupid Yahoo forgot to print a sticker for the best running back in the league!” Bill scoffed before asking for a Sharpie to write the name in. “And boys, this is exactly why you don’t offshore your workers to China.”

Bill came in supremely prepared for the draft, or so his fellow managers believed. “He marched in humming “Take on Me” by A-ha with a clipboard, photocopies of a draft cheat sheet, five backup pencils fully sharpened, and an Athlon Sports Fantasy Football Guide he picked up at Kroger. Little did we know, he picked up that magazine like twenty years ago.”

When told Adrian Peterson was no longer in the league, Bill began searching the sticker pages for Antonio Brown. “He reminded me of Steve Rogers when he gets thawed out. It was like he had no idea what had gone on in the NFL for the last two decades”, fellow manager Mike Loughney said. “He tried to draft LaDainian Tomlinson, Kurt Warner, and someone named ‘T.J. Who’s-your-mama’. Finally he landed on Odell Beckham and that actually worked.”

At press time, Bill Stribley was seen bobbing his head to “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” by Tears for Fears while polishing his championship trophy because he did the same shit last year and somehow still won it all.